Austin Knight Nov 2020

I wrote this hilarious gag about Coronavirus yesterday, it was so funny that I was going to include it in this week’s column. However, the chances are that 98% of people won’t get it!

Now that I’ve been categorised as ‘unviable’ by the government, I’ve been trying a few different concepts in order to survive. Last weekend, I released my own fragrance. I thought it was reet gradely, but the other passengers in the car didn’t appreciate it and wound all the windows down!

Last year, I went to have my eyes checked and the optician reckoned I’ve got 2020 vision!

You’d have thought I’d have seen this Covid lark coming then!

Richi Sunak has stated that as all us showbiz folk are no longer viable and he has advised a total change of career. With this in mind, I went on the website and entered my skills and career details and it came up with an alternative job description that would be suitable for yours truly. It informed me to move into: – Performing Arts, broadcast and media publishing and journalism! Who’d a thowt it!

Of course, with a soupcon of imagination, one could incorporate a domestic and a showbiz career together. For instance, a singing window cleaner could work under the name of Chamois Davis Jnr. In the old days, Scousers didn’t appreciate Mancunian entertainers, so I changed my name whenever I worked in Liverpool to Ringo Shankley. But dee do dat doe don’t dey?

I was watching Donald Trump and Boris Johnson on telly the other night. It was riveting viewing and I honestly reckoned that they both seemed to be talking a lot of sense. Then the missus curtly informed me that I was actually watching ‘Spitting Image!’

Donald Trump has announced that folk who cannot get to the gym because of the present pandemic lockdown self isolation scenario couldinject themselves with Mr Muscle…

Q) What do Man Utd, Prince Andrew and Black Eyed Peas all have in common?

A) They’ve all been useless since Fergie left….

The other day, I was walking past a park bench, or as they’re now called, a Scottish theme pub…

Breaking News: Nellie the Elephant has tested positive for Covid 19 virus. When she was asked where she thought she might have picked it up from, she replied:- “TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP!”

What with everyone working from home currently, I’ve come to the conclusion that Zoom meetings are akin to a modern séance. With rhetoric like: – “Emma Jayne, are you there?” “Suzie, make a sound, so we can hear you!” “George, is anyone else there with you?” “Joanne, we can’t see you, can you hear us?”

Hands ~ Face ~ Space can all be improved by exercising your guffaw glands by simply reading my hilarious weekly column featured in this esteemed organ. Now assume a comical position and strike da pose dude and extend your furlough! Visit my website

Share Button

Leave a Reply