Austin Knight – May 2016

austin new picPlease don’t dislike me because I’m handsome and and multi-talented. Dislike me because I’m an inveterate liar. I joined ‘Liars Anonymous’ last Tuesday morning and before the crack of noon, they made me Life President!  I am now the proud recipient of a truly distinguished award, (albeit fictitious) however, are awards important to us?  When I was younger, I used to be very competitive and won copious amounts of trophies for different competitions.  I used to play darts with the missus, until her head went blunt.  Then, one day, I had that ‘Eureka!’ moment.  I found out that there was simply no need to compete for trophies, because one can actually buy them on eBay! It was then that I started making big money on eBay.  I sold a homing pigeon 541 times!  Anyway, I digress.  Try the following quiz.  In my humble opinion, I think that you will find it quite illuminating.


  • Name five of the wealthiest people in the world.
  • Name the last five X-Factor winners.
  • Name the last five winners of Celebrity Big Brother.
  • Name the golfer who won the US Open in 1998.
  • It was the BAFTA awards last weekend. But can you name the winners for best actor in 2010?


How did you do? Not very well, I surmise.  The point that I am trying to make is that none of us recollect the headliners of yesteryear, unless, of course you are compiling the weekly pub quiz.  All of the above questions that I have set, do not include any second-rate achievers.  The winners of these prestigious awards are the finest in their respective fields of expertise. However, applause dies, accolades dissipate and invariably awards tarnish.  Praise and certificates are buried six foot under, along with their owners.  Here’s another quiz, let’s see if you can do betterer.


  • Name a favourite teacher who assisted your journey through traumatic school days, all those years ago.
  • Give me the name of two of your mates, who have truly helped you through a difficult patch in your personal life.
  • Name five folk who have taught you summat worthwhile.
  • Name me five people who have made you feel appreciated and really special.
  • Give me the names of five individual friends, who you really enjoy spending a few hours with.


Was that easier? I wager that it was.  The truth of the matter is, the folk who make a positive contribution in your life, possess no important credentials whatsoever.  They are probably skint members too and have no awards or expertise in any field.  They are simply the ones who care the most.  Here endeth the first lesson.



Real time slows as you approach the speed of light, whereas time flies when you’re having fun! So if you go slower. Do you have more fun or do you just get more light?   Visit my website: www.ComedianUK.com  Email me: comedianuk@sky.com.  Now, get back to work.  Summer is a-comin’!




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