THE UK CABARET CLUBLAND PAGE
During the great Clubland days, the old chairmen of yesteryear epitomised so brilliantly by the late great comedian Colin Crompton of Wheeltappers and Shunters club fame, ruled the roost in club concert rooms. How times change! Back then there were even illuminated signs up in some clubs warning ARTISTE ON STAGE, which meant no-one was allowed in, due to fears of interrupting the act mid-flow. At other clubs, the chairman would make all the announcements and woe betide any members of the audience refusing to GIVE ORDER. Mark Ritchie remembers:
Back in the late 1980’s I was sitting in the dressing room, as is often my custom during long and protracted bingo sessions, when I heard a chairman/bingo-caller trying to maintain some kind of order as the dabber-wielders could not hear the numbers. His appeal for quiet fell mainly on deaf ears, as the Clubland fraternity never seemed to get to grips with the reality that drinkers milling around the bar will never cooperate with those who require silent concentration. The chairmen’s announcement was a classic; ’Please give order for the bingo. The turn will be back on soon, so you can all talk then’! Priceless!
Acts with funny names posed so many challenges for concert chairmen. I remember one night sitting in a Yorkshire club audience when a band called Henry Winkler’s Rocking Wankel Engine were on-stage and waiting to be introduced. Many members of the audience were already aware of the potential for embarrassment and our man in the box did not disappoint.
During one of my own Clubland appearances, Mr Chairman told me one evening that he would introduce me on-stage but as his bus came before the end of the evening, I should ‘take myself off’. The remaining few drunk people still present at the end of the night took advantage of this regular occurrence. Not wanting to go home or finish their drinks, they clearly thought that shouting ‘more-more-more’ would elongate their night out. The club steward warned me about this and at the end of my final song, I took a bow and walked off. As I began to get changed, there was persistent banging on the locked dressing room door and shouts of ‘Aren’t you doing any more then’? I did not reply and carried on getting changed. There was equipment to break down and shift and as I got back on stage, in front of the open curtains, all I got for my efforts was abuse, which was eased by the presence of a cash pay packet given to me earlier by the by then departed Mr Chairman.
I have seldom ever treated a Clubland show as anything but an opportunity to make a bit of money. As a performer, if you are there for reasons of ego, you really are in the wrong business in my opinion at any rate. I was advised when I was younger never to take the highs or lows too seriously, but even I blanched at a comment by one concert chairman in Blackburn Lancashire. This was quite a while back, but it was a real rarity and was quite surreal. Whilst working on-stage in the cruise ship scene I have been fortunate to receive many standing ovations. On the Clubland scene such a collective gesture from an audience is seldom if ever experienced by the brave souls who work the clubs. On this special night in Blackburn, it happened for me and I was both pleasantly surprised and moved.
On the night Mr Chairman arose from his sedentary position in the box and opined that ‘this artiste is the best I have ever worked with in 20-years’. I returned to the club barely nine-months later for a re-booking. Mr Chairman knocked on the dressing room door and entered with a question. ‘Are you tonight’s artiste….have you been here before’? This is clubland folks!
We are always on the lookout for Clubland people who would like to write something of their own experiences for this page. If you have a Clubland story to tell, please e mail the editor at mark.ritchie@ukcabaret.com
